


from the shadows (i'll be there)

by ohsoblue



Category: NoPixel
Genre: M/M, Trans Character, an au where siz dated jacob instead of zelda, others i don't feel like tagging - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:15:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsoblue/pseuds/ohsoblue
Summary: In one life, Zelda chose to date Siz. In another life, she decided he'd look cute with her brother.
Relationships: Jacob Harth/Siz Fulker
Kudos: 10





	from the shadows (i'll be there)

**Author's Note:**

> just some snippets that explore an au in which siz and jacob had been dating instead of siz and zelda. includes a brief murder, trans siz, and penetration. if that's not your thing, you've been warned.
> 
> you can find me over on twitter [@imightbeblue (ohsoblue) ](https://twitter.com/imightbeblue)

No two worlds are ever truly the same. There is always a choice that veers down a different path. In one life, Zelda dates Siz. In another life? She helps Siz get with her brother.

* * *

Siz taps on the screen of his phone, eyebrows drawn together in a furrow. Flippy tilts his head, examining the way his bottom lip is trapped between his teeth, tongue occasionally swiping out over the aching flesh. Flippy doesn’t know why he doesn’t just… stop chewing on it.

“Texting your girlfriend?” Flippy teases, but in all honesty, he’s only known Siz for a few weeks now. He doesn’t strike him as someone who dates in general- hasn’t seen him even look at anyone with interest… ever. 

“Boyfriend,” Siz corrects, tone low and distracted, as it slipped out without a second thought. 

Flippy chokes on nothing and finally, Siz looks up, confused.

“Who?” Flippy asks or more like pesters, but Siz realizes what he said and is already trying to come up with a fake name.

Jacob prefers secrecy after all. Siz already fucked up.

“Uh, Jim,” Siz says, slowly, as though he’s trying the name out for the first time.

Flippy gives him a skeptical look, but with Siz’s poker face, he can’t really tell if he’s lying or not.

Siz redirects his attention back to his phone and that’s that.

* * *

Their first date is… unforgettable. Because there’s nothing quite like murdering a man to make it so.

Siz drags the back of his arm across a smear of blood on his chin and turns to Jacob, with a smile that is both equally nervous and thrilled. Jacob’s eyes move from the bloodied coin in his hand to Siz’s crowbar. 

“Very good,” Jacob praises and steps over to him, just close enough to press the coin into Siz’s palm. He’s not shy about staring at Siz’s scarred face. By now, it’s normal. Siz still resists the urge to duck his head and fidget.

“Um,” Siz trails off. “What do we do, um, about that?”

With a gesture, Jacob follows the hand motion to the body on the floor. 

“Leave it,” Jacob replies, and then hurriedly begins moving towards the barn door, where Siz scrambles to keep up with him.

* * *

“So… you and Zelda, huh?” Saab asks, nudging Siz’s side with a sharp elbow. 

As Siz is processing the implication, he rubs his ribs with his palm, curling in on himself. 

“Excuse me?” Siz examines Saab, seeing that he’s being totally serious, teasing grin and everything. “What gave you that idea?”

“It’s just that you two spend an awful lot of time with each other,” Saab explains, eyebrows wiggling up and down. 

Siz resists the urge to throw up.

“She’s like my sister,” Siz says, after a moment, shoving his hands into his pockets, trying not to be so nervous. Especially considering that it wouldn’t help his current case. “She, uh. She’s nice.”

Admirably ruthless and protective of not only her brother but her friends. She helps him out and he returns the favor when he can. She really has become someone he considers a sister. They get along so well and he can see the eyes she makes at Erin. So that’s a thing, too.

“Oh, shit, she sister-zoned you?” Saab says it with the utmost sympathy and that honestly makes it worse. He wholeheartedly ignores Siz’s attempts at denying this and instead hooks an arm around his shoulders that forces Siz to bend to accommodate the height difference. “It’s okay, Sizzyboo. I’m here.”

“Thanks,” Siz says, hunching in on himself. “But I’m being serious. She’s like a sister to me.”

“Then… the moon eyes are for someone else?” Saab asks, prodding at him.

“What are… what are you talking about?” Siz doesn’t give people moon eyes. Does he?

“When you’re texting this person, your eyes get all soft and gooey,” Saab explains. “I figured it was Zelda, ‘cause you were letting her borrow your Brawler yesterday.”

“No…? I mean, she’s nice, but I’m with- uh, without… a date,” Siz says, voice falling flat by the end of it, especially considering Saab’s not, like, dumb. He totally caught the slip and is going to latch onto it like a hungry shark.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Saab informs him as if Siz wasn’t totally aware of that. “Come on, I won’t tell anyone. Who is it?”

Shit, what was the name he gave Flippy?

“J… Jim,” Siz drawls out, hesitating, but then he nods. That’s a pat on the back right there. Totally remembered. 

“I don’t know any Jims.” Saab lifts his hand to scrub a hand through his hair, tousling the strands. He slaps the hat back down, lopsided, and shrugs. “You planning on introducing me someday?” 

Aware of Saab’s soft heart, Siz doesn’t want to immediately shut him down. He can always talk to Jacob about it later, but the secrecy aspect of their relationship is beneficial to both of them in many ways. While he doesn’t think Saab would go out of his way to tell anyone about it, Saab’s loose lips are still something he’s cautious of. He doesn’t know if Saab slips up because he trusts Siz with LB stuff or if it’s just a Saab thing. 

Either way, he is staring intently, expecting an answer.

“I’ll… I’ll ask him,” Siz assures. Not a promise to a yes, but not an outright no.

Saab nods then nudges his shoulder. “Yo, you promised me food.”

* * *

It’s not to say that any of their other dates could ever be forgotten. Siz enjoys each one, tame or not. Back and forth, they take turns picking locations and activities. It’s the happiest Siz has been in a relationship- and considering his only reference is Windsong, it might not be saying much, but it _means something_. To Siz, at least.

And when Mother leaves him _again_?

And when Dab is sent to jail for life?

And when it feels as though Siz doesn’t have much going on for him anymore?

Jacob is there to pick up the pieces, dust them off, and stick them back together.

Tiny step after another, Siz attempts to hold Jacob’s hand. Jacob freezes, palm growing sweaty before he begins speed walking away. All in all, a victory.

Siz watches him become a tiny purple figure in the distance and smiles to himself.

* * *

Erin and Vivi are the first to figure out who he’s dating. The blame falls on Zelda, but if Jacob’s okay with it, then Siz doesn’t really care. As long as they keep it to themselves. It doesn’t stop Erin from ribbing him about his choice in a partner. And Vivi seems tentatively disappointed, but she moves on from her crush on Jacob, more intent on being happy for her brother than envious. Something he appreciates more than he can say.

* * *

Siz opens the door to the apartment and lets it swing shut behind him, leaning up against it. He tugs down the orange hood, scarf unraveling to the floor. Jacob looks up from his computer and raises an eyebrow in askance.

“I did something stupid,” Siz says, heart still pounding away in his chest. 

“The usual stupid?” Jacob is well aware that Siz gets his thrills by running from the cops and doing violent things around the city. 

“Uh,” Siz pauses, then says, “I bought stolen bricks to save LB and Speedy.”

Jacob’s connected, probably knows exactly who those bricks would belong to. At the baffled stare, Siz feels as though maybe he made a mistake. Not only did he buy them overpriced, but he’s also intentionally put himself into a really bad spot if Otto catches wind of it.

There’s something that enters Jacob’s eyes, cold and fierce, even as he turns back to his computer, “If you think you’re being suspected, keep me updated.”

Something warm in his chest blooms and he can’t resist rounding the furniture in the apartment slash ‘electronics store’. He darts in close and presses his lips to Jacob’s cheek, feeling warmth immediately blossom across the flesh. He knows Jacob can feel his smile, which is why a hand is placed against his chest, pushing him back in irritation.

“Thanks for looking out for me,” Siz murmurs, hand covering Jacob’s, feeling sweat gather under his fingers. 

“Always,” Jacob says, confidently and purposefully unbothered, despite avoiding his gaze.

* * *

Over the next few months, nothing comes from the brick buying and he meets a great many other people. His crew grows, he makes the HOA, and he gets contacted by Dom. He begins pushing bricks, gets closed to Jacob, and goes through a great many conflicts, but is always backed by his beloved from the shadows. And if Sonya greatly suffers for it? And if his ex-uncle Gomer is fucked over by that, too? Well, Siz doesn’t give too many fucks anymore.

* * *

“I’m her Godfather,” Denzel announces, looking at Zelda in the distance. She’s parking her bike in a bush and removing some leaves from her hair. 

“What?” Siz looks over at him, wondering why he’s bringing this up.

“You’re datin’ Zelda, aren’t you? Thought you should know,” Denzel says, leaning back against Siz’s stolen car.

“No?” Siz shoves his hands into his pockets, avoiding the urge to fidget. Why does everyone think he’s dating her?

“You’re bullshittin’,” Denzel accuses, eyes squinting at him. “You’re like each other’s bread ‘n butter.”

Siz is unable to stop his face from scrunching at that and gets a punch to the shoulder in warning.

“What?” Siz yelps, rubbing his arm.

“Even if you’re not, that’s my goddaughter,” Denzel says. 

“Well I’m not kidding, we’re not dating,” Siz replies. He hangs out with her a lot, though, because Jacob has a tendency to be very busy. But if everyone thinks he’s dating her, it explains the dirty looks Bobby has been giving him.

“If Bobby’s adopted Zelda, do you think they adopted Jacob as well?” Or do they pretend he doesn’t exist? 

Denzel shrugs, then stares at him, calculating. “Why does that matter?”

“Curiosity,” Siz blurts, then shuffles in place. 

“If you’re not dating Zelda, who _are_ you dating?” Denzel asks, arms crossing his chest. 

It might as well be Denzel who finds out next, huh? 

“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out,” Siz replies and leaves him to think about that, walking across the way towards Zelda who has been watching them talk this entire time.

* * *

“Bring them out to the left,” Bobby says, gun drawn at his side, watching as Kraytor brings the hostage out of the bank. 

Siz is following behind before he hesitates as his eyes are drawn to a purple hoodie in the alley across the street. Jacob lifts a finger to his lips and Siz can feel his grin widening under his bandana. 

“Get in, buddy,” Kraytor shouts from the passenger seat of the car, and Siz jolts, knowing several pairs of eyes have swung around to see what he was looking at. 

With a whoop, Kraytor and Denzel laugh, car racing through the busy streets of Los Santos, cop sirens following close behind.

* * *

One night, Siz finds himself standing in front of the tree beside his house, overlooking the city. He hears the sound of shoes skimming through the grass and a presence stands next to him. They stand in silence until Siz feels a finger brush over his pinkie. Siz smiles, reaching out to hold Jacob’s hand. They stand then, long after Jacob’s palm grows sweaty, and the moon is high above their heads.

Siz turns his gaze from the city to Jacob and finds their gazes locked. There’s a tension there and it pulls Siz closer, leaning down. He pauses, not sure if Jacob’s ready, but then a hand hooks around the back of his neck. A thumb swipes over his pulse, sending shivers down his spine. Siz dips down, eyes closing, lips pressing against Jacob’s. 

It’s a sweet kiss, awkward because only one of them knows what they’re doing, but it’s… everything. It heats him up from the tips of his fingers to his toes. It shakes the air from his lungs, the anticipation and the waiting totally worth it. Jacob breaks first, pulling back with a shaky breath. Siz licks over his lips, wanting to dip back in, but knowing to go at his boyfriend’s pace.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about you when you’re not around?” Jacob asks in a whisper Siz barely hears.

“You’re on my mind, too,” Siz admits and finds himself holding still in shock when Jacob’s palm presses against his scar.

Jacob hums, contemplating, and then pulls away. 

“Stay out of trouble,” Jacob says, but they both know who Siz is. 

Siz grins and says, “No promises.”

* * *

Siz is hanging out with Denzel and Saab when Saab asks, “Hey, why haven’t I met Jim yet?”

Siz pauses and almost asks who the fuck Jim is when he remembers that was the name he gave Saab ages ago. 

But Denzel has no qualms and asks, “Who the fuck is Jim?”

“You don’t know?” Saab looks concerned, as though he spilled a secret that Siz didn’t want anyone knowing. “Siz is dating a guy named Jim.”

“A guy named Jim,” Denzel repeats, dry as the desert sun. 

“Yup,” Siz says, stressing the word. When Denzel had figured out it was Jacob and not Zelda, he’d asked why he was keeping it to himself. Siz had explained that the benefits outweighed his need for people to know- or at least, he believed Jacob when he’d said that.

Denzel coughs on a laugh and says, “Oh.” His eyebrows are raised at Siz, like he’s asking if that’s really the best Siz could have come up with.

If Siz didn’t know Denzel would punch him back, he would have kicked his shin. 

“There’s nothing wrong with ‘Jim’,” Saab says, proud of himself as though it would please Siz that he’s defending Siz’s boyfriend. Siz resists the urge to ruffle his hair and sighs, leaning back on his hands, nearly slipping off the hood of his car entirely.

“You’ll meet him eventually,” Siz says and ponders over that. Has Saab already met Jacob? He doesn’t know. 

“If he even exists,” Denzel says, intent on making Siz’s life miserable by teasing him _and_ Saab.

“Siz wouldn’t lie about that,” Saab says, offended on his behalf.

Denzel shrugs and makes an ‘I don’t know about that’ sound.

“Right?” Saab asks, looking at Siz with concern.

“Right,” Siz agrees, glaring at Denzel, who laughs at him.

* * *

“Why am I hearing that you’re dating a guy named Jim?” Jacob asks as they’re sitting on a couch he forced Siz to buy. It fills up his living room at least, but it doesn’t take away the fact that they’re surrounded by mannequins Vivi decorated his house with.

“You wanted this to be a secret,” Siz replies, after swallowing a bite of his crust, licking his fingers of grease from the pizza. “It was the first name I could think of.”

There’s a drawn-out hum, and then Jacob says, “Interesting.”

Siz looks over, lips parted to ask what he means by that, but Jacob’s _right there_. Lips are pressed against his own and though it’s still a little awkward like the last one, Siz sighs into it. Fingers pressed against his jaw, drawing him closer. Jacob pulls away with a wet smack and sits back against the couch, incredibly sweaty but acting like he didn’t just do that.

“Uh, I… you…?”

“Never mind,” Jacob assures Siz.

Siz makes a face, but picks up another slice of pizza and takes a bite.

* * *

Flippy and Curtis are dogpiled against each other on the grass outside Siz’s house, Saab overlooking them rolling around. When they get too close to knocking him over, Saab dances back a few steps.

“What the fuck is going on out here?” Siz asks, squinting against the bright light of the sun, hand over his forehead to provide some relief. “Why are you waiting outside my house?”

It’s a day like any other and he was going to go meet HOA about patrols for tonight, but… looks like there’s something else for him to take care of. He steps over to them and crosses his arms across his chest.

“Hey, what’s this about a ‘Jim’?” Curtis asks, laying with his back on the grass, arms sprawled beside his head. Flippy sits back on his lap and looks at Siz, recalling their conversation about Siz’s boyfriend that Siz has yet to introduce to them.

The grass behind Siz rustles and everyone in front of him is still, eyes enraptured over his shoulder. Siz raises his eyebrow and turns to look, Jacob coming to a standstill at his side.

“Yes… What _is_ this about a ‘Jim’?” Jacob turns his head to look Siz, who sputters a little.

When Siz fails to speak up, Jacob says, “I much prefer the name ‘Jacob’ over ‘Jim’.”

As Jacob blows Siz’s months-long lie out of the water, he presses a finger to his lips in a ‘shoosh’ and speed walks his way back to his Glendale.

The clearing is silent for only a minute before Siz is barraged by questions.

* * *

“I thought you wanted it to stay a secret,” Siz says, seated next to Jacob on his couch. It mirrors their pizza date from a while back. Siz has his legs pulled up to his chest, facing Jacob, sideways. 

Jacob is facing the television as though if he stares hard enough, he can avoid the conversation.

“The benefits no longer outweigh the cons,” Jacob finally replies, turning to look him in the eyes. “Is it so hard to believe I’d rather people know now?”

Siz wonders if it’s because Jacob believes he can no longer protect Siz from the shadows or if it’s because he’s getting so much better about affection that Siz can hold his hand without him getting awkward about it. Or maybe as much as Siz pretends he knows Jacob, there are still things that he’ll never fully understand about him and that’s okay. Because they still know each other really well.

“I guess not,” Siz says and puts a daring hand on Jacob’s thigh. Who immediately stiffens up, hands clenching beside himself, eyes locked onto the back of his hand. There’s silence and then Siz notices something tenting Jacob’s shorts. 

Jacob, noticing where his gaze is, dryly says, “That’s my phone.”

“It wasn’t there before,” Siz replies, dragging his gaze up from his lap, tongue swiping over his lips.

Jacob abruptly stands and speed walks to the door, leaving with a, “I’ll call you later,” tossed over his shoulder.

* * *

Jacob’s first meeting with the HOA goes well. They obviously know when someone is of importance to Siz and since then, whenever Jacob randomly pops by before nightly patrols, no one bats an eye. Sometimes Kraytor will mention how creepy he is, but then he’ll say “it fits” as if Siz is supposed to know what he means by that.

* * *

And when Siz comes up to Jacob with a fake mustache, Jacob reaches up and peels it off.

“Don’t hide around me,” Jacob says, plopping it into Siz’s palm.

“Are you still mad?” Siz asks.

“About you getting the nines? No,” Jacob replies. Because they’re both very aware of Siz’s stepdad and how Siz still feels about his philosophy. “I’m only surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

* * *

Jacob takes one look at Siz’s new bike and says, “No.”

“Come on, the ATM’s around the corner.” Siz pats the seat behind him. “I’ll go slow, I promise.”

It’s probably not the danger aspect that Jacob’s worried about, but he still hesitates greatly as he slides a leg over the bike, settling in behind Siz. His hands hover over Siz’s waist, fingers trembling. Siz reaches back for one of his hands and gently sets Jacob’s against him.

“You might want to hold on, just in case,” Siz warns. As slow as he’ll go, it’s never stopped reckless racers from swinging around a corner. And the locals do what they want- road laws do not exist for them.

Jacob still hesitates, but with Siz not moving until he grabs on, he has no other choice. With a rev of the bike, they jolt forward and Jacob’s grip gets tighter. When Siz stops at a light, Jacob slides forward, hips pressing into his backside. Something hard and, uh, thick, pokes his left cheek.

Because Siz is a chaotic entity full of mischief, he takes a long way around to the ATM, something he doesn’t think Jacob is aware of, because his forehead is leaning against Siz’s kutte. Siz does not make it easy on him and just before they round in the shopping district in Mirror Park, Jacob’s hands spasm, his full body shivering against him.

Siz doesn’t mention any of that when Jacob awkwardly climbs off his bike. Siz heads up to the ATM, pulling out a couple of hundred dollars, and holds it out to his boyfriend. 

“Hey,” Siz says.

Jacob looks over at him as if dreading what his next words will be.

“Date night?” Siz asks, shoving his hands into his pockets as he rocks on his heels. 

“Of course,” Jacob mutters, and then speeds away, stumbling over a rock. Siz can hear his muttered “fuck” from where he stands next to his bike.

He shifts and tries to ignore the way he’s soaked his undergarments, determined to get home to take care of his own problem.

* * *

Months later, Siz is laying in bed, watching Jacob tap away on his laptop. Eyes shut, Siz is barely paying attention and doesn’t notice when Jacob stops and sets his laptop aside on a table close by. What Siz _does_ notice is when the mattress dips and there’s a set of lips on his cheek, close to his own.

Siz smiles, hand reaching up to thread through Jacob’s hair, coming to a rest at the back of his neck.

Jacob is no longer too shy to kiss him, tongue sweeping across his bottom lip and meeting Siz’s tongue. He always takes his time, as though Jacob tries to explore him inside out. Siz is a book, open only to Jacob in these moments. Jacob pulls back with a bite to his lip, leg dipping between Siz’s legs.

When Jacob’s thigh presses up against Siz, he gasps, hips arching. His eyes open and he finds his boyfriend staring intently at his face, taking in his reactions.

“Is this alright?” Jacob asks, voice low. 

“Yeah, always,” Siz replies, equally ruined. “Are you- do you-”

“I won’t last,” Jacob says, just a simple fact of the matter. 

“That’s okay,” Siz assures, breath hitching when his pants are unzipped. Calloused fingers slide under his boxers, hesitating when they brush against his cock. Siz lets out a shaky moan, trying to encourage him.

Siz reaches out to help Jacob out of his shorts, fingers slipping whenever Jacob’s fingers slide through his folds to brush over his entrance. 

“Someone’s been doing their research,” Siz teases, flinching when Jacob presses a thumb against Siz’s cock in retaliation. “ _Fuck_.”

“I may have gotten some pointers,” Jacob says. He pulls his hand back, ignoring Siz’s whine, and tugs Siz’s pants off all the way. They fall into a crumple at the end of the bed, Jacob sitting up enough to wrestle his shorts off, too.

Siz is unable to hold in a whimper when he sees just how big Jacob is. And he knows he felt it against him during that one bike ride, but to see it is something else entirely. Siz reaches out, the weight of him heavy in Siz’s palm.

Jacob’s answering groan is music to his ear.

“Yeah, I want that in me _yesterday_ ,” Siz says, reaching down with his free hand. Jacob watches with dark eyes as Siz slides two fingers into himself. Siz can feel Jacob’s cock twitch at the sight.

“I was getting to that,” Jacob says, winded. His hips are trembling in his effort not to move in Siz’s palm, fearing that this will come to an end too soon.

“Too slow,” Siz replies. He sits up and uses his soaked hand to stroke over Jacob’s cock.

“Brat,” Jacob murmurs, shivering. He places his hand on Siz’s waist, mirroring that time on the bike, and scoots closer. With the help of Siz’s guidance, Jacob pushes into Siz with a rough moan, forehead falling to Siz’s shoulder.

Siz digs his fingers into Jacob’s back, unaccustomed to the size. When Jacob thrusts, Siz yelps, too full, but he wouldn’t dream of telling him to stop. Jacob presses trembling lips to his skin, working his cock in and out of Siz. 

“ _Oh, fuck_ ,” Siz whines, pulling a hand away to press against the headboard of the bed, using it as leverage to push back. No one told him it’d be like _this_.

Jacob’s rhythm stutters and Siz can feel him cumming, but he doesn’t leave him hanging. When Jacob pulls out, his fingers replace his cock and his thumb rubs ruthless circles against him. Siz’s thighs jerks, hips arching into his fingers with a sob. He turns his face away with a choked whimper and cums, feeling the blankets underneath him get soaked.

“Shit,” Siz gasps, sinking into the bed with his limbs sprawled out. 

“Shit indeed,” Jacob replies, sitting back on his heels, gathering his breath.

Siz stares at Jacob for a moment and then snickers. Jacob’s lips twitch.

* * *

“I’m happy for you,” Vivi murmurs, wrapping her arms around Siz. “For both of you.”

Siz looks over Mirror Park from the roof of the building next to the Tavern. He thinks about how long he’s been in Los Santos and how many obstacles he’s overcome. And he thinks about how full his life feels, how he’ll never have to face future problems alone. No matter how tired he is, he has Jacob backing him. 

That will never change.

“Thanks,” Siz says, ruffling his sister’s hair. “I’m happy too.”

He is, he realizes, looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.

Even if it’s trouble, it will not be more than what he can handle.


End file.
